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I have helped you up off the ground when you literally couldn’t hold yourself up straight. I have helped you remember when you couldn’t think. I have sat there and let you tell at me when you needed to get something off of your chest. I have let you blame me for your own problems. I have tried to help you when you were falling apart. I got to watch you get a second chance at life and ruin it. I have offered everything that I had to get you back on the path of righteousness! I have put up with your past and your present problems. I have helped you run from what was hurting you. I have held your hand when times were bringing you down.. I have saved you!.. & still you tell me what I am the problem. I will never leave. I will be here when you realize that you ruined your life. I will be here with my arms out when you realized that I saved you, even if it was for the slightest second. I saved you!

I am an extremely strong person when it comes down to when I absolutely have to pull myself together and get a grip. I recently had my heart broken to as many pieces as you could possibly think of!.. After it happened I pulled myself together and I act like it doesn’t bother me everyday. How could 2 years with somebody not hurt? How could loving one person unconditionally for 2 years and then losing them not hurt? I do hurt. I don’t let people see that, but I hurt to the point where I have no idea what to do with myself! I live day by day, not because I want to but because I have to. I’ve felt like I have no purpose here anymore.. I obviously have a purpose or I wouldn’t be here. I still have all of my dreams and goals intact but right now I am hurting. What hurts the most is after it all happened everyone just expected my to be fine and pull myself together. I never got to cry, never even a hug. I was automatically expected to be fine because “I can do better” is all I’ve heard since I got cheated on, lied to, betrayed, disrespected. But it’s okay because I can handle it from what everybody can see..

Here this week I’ve been extremely aggravated but beyond happy at the same time. Talking to somebody that you’ve always been extremely close to is always something to look forward to. Well; this guy moved and lives states away now.. I’ve always felt this sort of love for him that I don’t have the words in me to describe. More bittersweet then anything. Wanting to be with somebody who is in an awkward stage and don’t know what they want is probably one of the most frustrating things! He’s amazing. Always knows exactly what to say and what not to say at the same time. He’s so different but in the most wonderful kind of way. Patience hasn’t been my best quality lately.